


No Going Back

by Veresiine



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veresiine/pseuds/Veresiine
Summary: All OCs, all the time.Marelan and Telaina discuss disabilities, war, and the paths that led them here.In spite of being generally awful, Telaina is still the team therapist when the priest isn't around.





	No Going Back

"You wish you could join the other soldiers, don't you?" Telaina. Less tolerable than usual, today. Especially since she was _right_. Marelan didn't want to even dignify what she'd said by turning toward where her voice came from, but he couldn't deny she'd hit a nerve.

  
Hearing Rataalis, Revenis, and Verkira gear up and head out, yet again, without him, yet again, brought back all the bitterness he'd been fighting for nearly a decade.

  
"I wouldn't expect a mage to understand." Marelan quipped, setting his glass down heavily on the table.

  
"You know, I've always appreciated how you call me 'mage' or 'wizard' instead of 'warlock' like the others do. It brings back fond memories."

  
"Don't change the subject." Not that he liked the original subject much, but at least it would be exhausted quicker and she'd leave him alone to his misery.

  
"I'm hardly changing the subject. We're still reminiscing about a past we can never go back to."

  
" _You_ could always swear off the fel." But nothing would bring his sight back. Each time he'd thought he'd learned to live with it, thought he'd gotten used to it, something like this happened.

  
"Who's to say I haven't?"

  
"I can smell it on you."

  
"You smell _sulfur_ , not magic. I've been using it as a reagent for some of the spells I've been drilling Quendri on." Doubtful, but Marelan wasn't in the mood to challenge it. "But enough about me. You know this doesn't change your value as a person."

  
"I don't need to hear this from you, Telaina." He might have accepted the sentiment from Rataalis or Eresiine, but only if prompted. "You don't know what it's like. And besides, it's been nearly a decade. I don't need shallow words at this point, least of all from you."

  
"It's been a century and three-quarters for me. Almost to the day. Sometimes words are still better than nothing." Now he turned to face her, though of course he wouldn't be able to _see_ the face that came with that too-clear voice. He supposed he remembered what she looked like well enough from the decades spent passing each other by in Silvermoon, but according to Verk, she had changed much since then.

  
"What are you talking about? You're a wizard." _You can still_ see.

  
"I suppose Verk didn't tell you, then? I suppose she's a better secret-keeper than I took her for."

  
"Well, she _is_ a paladin." And he _couldn't_ be. Even though he was the one who taught her most of what she knew. "And if it's a secret, why are you telling me?"

  
"I was almost hoping we could commiserate to fill the void left by all that armor clanking away."

  
"If you're lonely, go play with Quendri. Leave me alone."

  
"She's asleep." Ugh. He'd forgotten. Since his sleep schedule was all over the place, it was easy for him to lose track of others'. So there went that evasion."... I was a ranger, once." Not exactly what he was expecting, but come to think of it, it fit. Tel's court behavior always did feel artificial. He supposed he'd always assumed it was just false kindness and posturing. And some other things -- turns of phrase, lack of complaint in austerity, and that incident with that one minister and the wall -- all made more sense with that in mind.

  
"What, that's your secret? And that hasn't stopped you from having a successful second career." Something he couldn't really do. His brief stint as a PR manager had been just that -- a brief stint, not a career.

  
"After decades of blood, sweat, and tears. Mostly tears. Besides, I'm nearly certain I'm officially exiled at this point, so I don't know how successful you'd call me."

  
"We're _all_ exiled at this point, Telaina. Or worse." In the eyes of the Horde and the current leadership of Quel'Thalas, Telaina was a traitor, Verk was a deserter, and Marelan was both. Quendri had left Teldrassil before the Highborne were permitted back into kaldorei society, and 'draenei' _meant_ exile. "So." He didn't want to continue the conversation. He wanted Tel off his back. But he had to admit, his curiosity was _slightly_ piqued by the revelation. "Why did you hang up your bow?"

  
"Because I could no longer draw it."

  
"What happened, might I ask?"

  
"I'll spare you the grisly details, but... troll raid. Axe-thrower. She hit my dominant hand. The healers couldn't help." ... _Oh_. Well, now he knew why she'd been so leery of his Winter's Veil present.

  
"... I'm sorry that happened to you." He didn't feel it. He hated that he felt that way, but he was still _jealous_. Losing some use of a hand -- he'd seen her use both hands and arms just fine in the past, so she clearly still had some function -- was nothing like losing a _sense_. "But even if you could no longer hold or draw a bow, couldn't you still find other ways to serve?" If she could still _read_ and in some fashion _write_...

  
"I didn't really get the chance, to be honest. My father decided I was useless and kicked me out." She laughed; a short, bitter, sarcastic chuckle. "Though he didn't say anything I hadn't already been telling myself."

  
"Why would he do that!?" Even Verk's mother -- a very low standard for successful and compassionate parenthood -- hadn't kicked _Verk_ out when her life and career prospects had fallen apart.

  
"Eh, magic was part of it. I don't feel like getting into that right now, and it's not really relevant, anyway. The point is, I know what it feels like to spend decades training to fight to defend others and then not being able to *do* that anymore, and to instead be forced onto the sidelines."

  
"But you seem fine, now." She was probably only limited when trying to do physically intensive things. Not _everyday_ things, things she would have taken for granted.

  
"That would be because I'm a wizard and I've learned spells to provide the fine motor control and strength I otherwise lack." She paused. "It took me decades to get to that point, and it's still not the same." Marelan bit back a 'good for you'. He had no love for Tel, but there was no point being unnecessarily rude, especially since she was opening up about what was probably a sensitive topic. "It takes time, you know."

  
"I know that." He was _older_ than her. He'd seen his own share of troubles before this and gotten through them.

  
"Personal healing... and getting used to seeing your little sister take your place."

  
"Verk isn't taking _my_ place. She's made a place for herself." The Guard's Union was defunct now, anyway. He didn't _have_ a place to return to even if his sight miraculously returned.

  
He didn't know if that made it better or worse.

  
"She's still the one out there facing more immediate physical danger, though."

  
"And here I thought you were trying to make me feel better."

  
"You should know by now that it's not my strong suit. Nor yours." Tel paused, and Marelan could imagine she was stroking her chin. "Nor anyone's in this household, for that matter."

  
"Eresiine?"

  
"Can affect emotions with the Light. That's cheating."

  
"This isn't a game."

  
"You're right, it's not. War is hell, and the sidelines are a different kind of hell from the front lines."

  
"You could still be out there, though." And she _had_ been.

  
"And so could you. You've had your hero moments in the past few years." Right. But arriving in the right place at the right time and driving off aggressors with more intimidation than swordplay was different from actually serving on the front lines.

  
"It's not the same."

  
"Perhaps. But the point I'm trying to make is, you're not alone in this struggle. So if you ever want to talk, more, you know where to find me."

  
"Of course I know where to find you; we share a room," Marelan grumbled. Though now that the draenei (other than Eres) had left, he was seriously considering moving into their room for a while to get some peace and quiet away from Tel.

  
At least the conversation had provided some momentary distraction.

  
Perhaps he'd take her up on that offer someday.


End file.
